"She came out! Right Nana?" - Evan (big brother)

"i made that. it's for you." -Evan


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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

she's too tired to talk so i blog


apparently the name of this blog has drawn some interest, first off - not gay. no qualifying statement after that.


wife is 8 mo's preggers, and she wonders if i use this forum as an outlet to "talk shit on my big gay blog, you gay fag."


her use of hateful language has no limits in regards to our homosexual friends - and sometimes chinese people: gay fucker, dumb fucker, stupid fucker - chinese fuckin' fucker, put peepee in MY coke. almost everything ends in F***er. that's just how she rolls.



and that's how i know she loves me, i suppose. she's funnier than I am, but she has limits on her use of colorful language... or she just prefers favorites (she was just standing behind me when i wrote this, and i thought she left but she just came back over my shoulder ---- schlurping on a hefty sip of water ... and breathing heavily into my ear).


anyway, i was gonna write about my cats tonight (or feline fuckers) - Jonas (fat orange fucker) has this phobia about me grabbing his tail. If you happen to brush it with the palm of your hand he sorta squeeks and flinches - if you actually hold it in your palm and wak around with him for a couple steps he meows a blood curdling cry and rolls on the carpet.


i imagine that when he was a stray some little kid or older homless person, on the mean streets of suburban cincinatti, oh, who didn't care nuthin for his feelings - or future tramatic stress - got him all liqoured and ruffied up; then clutched is fat furry tail - hoisted him in the air and flung him into some filthy garbage can behind some sleazy dive bar. I bet he gets flashbacks and that why he flinches so bad.


Lola (lolo-loh-loh-loh-la) kinda likes it when you grab her tail, she'll walk around in a circle if you just hold her tail kinda tight. she has an awful meow though, i think she smokes 2 packs of cigarettes when we're not around because she needs a mechanical larynx to utter anything vocal. she is joan rivers reincarnated (joan rivers is dead, don't be fooled).

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moving right along, to my friends whom i have not had much contact with since i moved, welcome to my lame blog. my search for real friends has had me at quite a loss... the first few nights out here we met some people, decided to go to some bars with them > we wound up at a bar called the library where one of the guys did some hippity-hoppity dance in the middle of the bar while his friends (our new acquintances) chanted "HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEET! HAPPY FEEEEEEET!" ... "yeh." I then stood next to him explain to his fiance following this exhibition: "what baby? they like my happy feet." --- if anyone ever saw part of that movie (happy feet) and were of legal drinking age they should prolly not admit to it, much less dance fervently in any place that wasn't an auditorium.


we parted ways.


we met some great people otherwise - SUPERNICE. we are afraid that if we spend too much time with them then they will ultimately be condemned to spending an eternity in hell with us. and we don't want to bring these good people down >>> for fuck's sake, from day one without even knowing these people they helped us MOVE IN!! a far cry from a place where i would peer out of windows and tell my wife "wow, that's dudes got a big fuckin entertainment center to carry. sucks to be that dude." we really like our neighbors, just wish they were a little more jaded.


and the most recent event - i answered a MEET UP online for an austin film group. fuckin hell, i must be desperate. it never fails that geek film nerds come out of the woodwork in droves in these types of situations... but it's rare that we find one with so very public "**mommy issues."


** i will discuss later.


anyway, i was supposed to help one of them on their script - which takes place in movie called terminatrix-delta-beta9-freejack-runner (which was not the name of the script, but it should be because it smelled like nerd so much i felt like i had just been pants-trashcanned-and-atomic situpped all at once).


*just click the link*


mommy issues wrote a script about some dude humpin' some chick, then saying he was the man. after much debate, the chick he was doin' says that he's not the man ... his bro's the man.


well, the last line in that conversation was "that's a mean thing to say mom." --- if you don't get it, because my description fall short. the chick that was being humped was the dude's mom --- and his mom was humpin her other son, his brother. ---- don't fuck with online meet ups man, it'll fuck you up for life.


so anyway, i've abandoned my search for a film crew once again (for now) and i am now looking at making more money for my new fam damily.



Sunday, January 27, 2008

best of craigslist (i had no idea)

I am so fucking bored, my apt is full of boxes, big furniture for Evan and two gay cats that like to scratch the folding french doors to the wash room (very thankful for the washer and dryer supplied in the apt).

i started reading best of craigslist - this is what i found and it's awesome! for those who don't know BART is short for Bay Area Rapid Tranist (B.A.R.T). it's like a subway that takes people all around the Bay Area.

Confessions of a BART Fartist - m4w
Date: 2007-12-27, 4:55PM PSTIf V is for Vendetta, F is for Fartist. The first part of the word is “fart” for the act of firing bacteria created air and poo particles at an incredible speed. Everyone one does it, and it has been proven that farts bring joy, yet they are taboo in public.

The second part of the word is “artist” because that is what I am. Much like Picasso wielded a paint and easel, I have the ability to practically fart on command and have perfected the ventriloquist and ricochet methods which allow me to strike with devastating accuracy from cover much like a highly trained sniper.

My main hunting grounds are the mean streets of BART, which I am forced to endure twice a day for half an hour at a time. Many people from other places tell me that BART is great or some similar shit, but anyone who rides it daily like me knows that it sucks. To pay $10 a day for the right to park and ride to and from work is excruciating, especially on the way home when I think about paying to stand on a packed train with a bunch of self absorbed aholes. But I must give BART some credit, for they launched my career as the most lethal vigilante in history.

Here is a list of some of the victims and the methods with which they were punished:
(1) Mr. Read the newspaper to his wife on speaker phone guy: You are on the top of the list for one reason and one reason only; you are without a doubt the biggest asshole in history. Who sits there and yells on speaker phone and reads stories about an axe murderer to his wife during rush hour (in the elderly and handicapped seat no less)? You do. I fought for almost two minutes, desperately pumping the volume up button on my iPod trying to block out your transgressions. My career as a fartist started then, my ignorant self absorbed friend, and you were treated to turkey chili con queso. Oooooh it was hot and wet when I crop dusted you, how did it smell? Call your wife and tell her about it.

(2) Ms. Lower her shoulder and cram her way on to a way too packed train lady: I could not believe you were actually going to try to cram your way on to our way too packed train, but you sealed the deal when you lowered your shoulder and repeatedly rammed your way into the crowded mass of frustrated passengers. It took me a stop or two, but slowly I was able to back my tight buttocks right up to within 2 feet of your short ugly face. I used the silencer once again but you bathed in it. When you cried, “Oh god, who farted?” I was crying I was laughing so hard.

(3) Two teenage girls talking about sex and two teenage guys talking about taking drugs and driving: You have no idea how stupid you sound talking about subjects like that on a silent BART train during the afternoon commute. I saw one lady actually get up and move away because your conversation was so inane and ignorant. Bonus points for the one girl saying she prefers wine and salmon to a beer and burger now, I can’t tell you how impressed we all were with you. The woman behind you who rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat wanted more of your tips on living the high life for sure. And guys, I’m not sure what drug exactly you were talking about taking and then driving on the freeway but I just hope you don’t take anyone with you when you earn your Darwin Awards.

I approached smiling, appearing to be heading for the exit, utterly forgettable in my everyday Dockers with polar fleece pullover. You were all sitting together in the “quad” chairs that face each other and no one else was around you for obvious reasons. The ambient noise from the tunnel meant I was able to really make you shiver when I delivered, I am actually shocked that a burnt hole wasn’t left in the back of my pants. It was one of my fall specials, a preseason pumpkin fart that smells for five minutes. By the time you realized what was happening I was doubled over laughing on the escalator in the station, I hope my gas taught you something valuable. Silence is golden. Next time, more victims and a discussion over which came first – the need to fart or the elevator.

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just thought i'd share, check out some more fun stuff here.

now: Metric - On A Slow Night
previous: Rufus Wainwright - Going To A Town
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d. nicolas gonzaga

Saturday, January 26, 2008

music - it's late...

i don't really have anything specific to talk about, i just dont feel like going to sleep right now - really i just feel like listening to music. i have nothing going on, its saturday night - im a father, im a husband, im not doing anything but maintaining responsibility.

sometimes you feel like that is such a hateful word, truely... but in all honesty having a bottle of liberty ale and trying not to listen to any barenaked ladies in rotation on my itunes sounds like all the responsibility i have at the moment. that and... thinking about supporting my family.

looking for a new job, this one ain't making it for me anymore - it was fun while it lasted. time to move on.

i think about Evan a lot. i think about how i am to protect him, love him, help to make the most of his life. he is precious, he is about to breathe life in a few short weeks. we just got his bed today - we haven't even put it together for him.

he doesn't even have a fuckin room. BUT he will. i guess thinking fourth dimensionaly would be useful right now.

i miss my friends i miss my family i miss california... but my life would be very different if we didn't live here. i would be very, very apprehensive about having a child - but here, i'm elated and i can't wait. we can afford to increase the human race without it being TOO socially irresponsible.

i feel bad because we are not using clothe diapers, i feel like i should but goddamnit - CLOTHE diapers = shitty clothes.

i just can't get around it. i'm an idiot, prolly an asshole too.

by the way- i met some weird fucks in austin that were apart of an online film meetup. not gonna do that again, dont know how a friend of mine keeps meeting people online. people online are like retards that can't function in normal everyday society... how do they carry conversation? how can they interact? how can they be anything but fucking weird mutherfuckers? dunno. that's why people online send pictures of their junk to little kids.

they are fucking weird mutherfuckers. and they ain't right in the head.

anyway - time to turn in: we had a baby shower today. it was nice.

Now: pretty girls make graves: Something Bigger, Something Brighter
Previous: The Cramps - Human Fly

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

new blog

ok - fuckin' diaryland, i tried to go back and act as if nothing ever happened (me and D-land parted ways after college). big mistake, i had no idea how to change the template... it also helped that while i was in college my roomate was getting his masters computer engineering - and i had another roomate that was getting his PhD in mechanical engineering (i am film major). so yeh - TOTALLY LOST in the land of diary!

moving on, i stand proud and announce my soon to be burden on society - Evan M Gonzaga!! yes, well he's no burden on me and his mother. we love him, can't wait to meet him ... i bet he's more fun than the two cats we have. i'm just thinking...

he will be here on or before 2/22/08, and the grandparents are stoked. family is way stoked! here is the first blog in a very long time.

i have desk that cuts into my wrist when i write, it sucks... dunno how to get around it just yet.

i own:
a wife named: Sarah M. Gonzaga
a maxima named: maxima
a couple records
1 fuzzy orange cat
1 black anti-social cat
i do not own:
a house
a monkey
an x-360
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d. nicolas g
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what am i doing:
drinking Anchor Steam Liberty Ale
listening to: tom petty & heartbreakers - break down
previously: prince - let's go crazy